Thursday, October 11, 2012

No Sweet Rolls

Vanessa is one of the wonderful women we get to see almost every morning when we go downstairs to El Sanedrín for breakfast. When we met, she told us she spoke no English other than a few catch phrases. It turns out she didn't appreciate how much she really remembered from her school days. Every day, she practices her English with us and, in turn, helps us improve our Spanish. Like our journey with Spanish, it's not all smooth sailing for Vanessa. She can especially get stuck on some of the consonant combinations.

VANESSA.  ALWAYS THE BEST WAY TO START A DAY.

Yesterday morning, after delivering our tostadas and cafés con leche, Vanessa wished us "buen provecho" (remember that one?), only she said it in English. Or, well, she tried to say it in English. What came out was, "Have a good breaksfuck."


While We're On The Subject
That reminds me of a story my father used to like to tell.
A woman walks into a café, sits down at the counter and says, "Hi. I'll have a cup of coffee and a sweet roll." 
Sorry, ma'am," replies the owner. "We're all out of sweet rolls."
"OK," she says, "I'll have a cup of tea and a sweet roll."
He stares at her a moment and says, "We don't have any sweet rolls."
"Oh, then I guess I'll have some orange juice and a sweet roll," she replies.
In frustration, he asks, "Lady, what do you get when you take the 'S-C' out of SCRAP?"
She thinks for a moment, smiles, and says, "You get RAP."
"And what do you get when you take the 'S-T' out of STINK?"
"You get INK."
"That's right," he smiles.
"Now, what do you get when you take the "F-U-C-K" out of SWEET ROLLS?"
"There's no 'F-U-C-K' in sweet rolls," she responds.
"That's what I've been trying to tell you, Lady! THERE'S NO FUCKIN' SWEET ROLLS!!!"
WHENEVER I SWORE, MY FATHER WOULD DEMAND:
"DO YOU KISS YOUR MOTHER WITH THAT MOUTH?!?"
I SHOULD HAVE ASKED HIM THE SAME QUESTION.

32 comments:

  1. Vanessa. A VERY nice way to start the day!

    Our waitress has gravy stains down her apron and a cigarettte hanging out the corner of her mouth every morning.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Chris:
      We're greeted every morning by three women with beautiful smiles, sincere warmth, charm and clean clothes!

      Delete
  2. I remember when I was in Rome during my Junior Year many centuries ago. The cafeteria ladies wore uniforms at work but would change into "street" clothes at days end. They would always look fabulous, especially Vita, who looked like she was going to the opera every evening. She reminded me of Sophia Loren. European women are so classy!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Frank:
      Many workers here wear uniforms of some kind. It's usually a very pleasant surprise to see them away from work expressing their own personal styles. Vanessa always glows.

      Delete
  3. I enjoy reading about how much you're enjoying your life. The then and the now, the lessons and the little things.
    Thank you for this blog.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Victor:
      Thanks to YOU, Victor. Your visits and comments make me appreciate this life even more.

      Delete
  4. You had me at 'breaksfuck'.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Bob:
      It was hilarious to see Vanessa blush when I told her what she had said.

      Delete
  5. your life is such a delight, thanks for letting us tag along :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Monkey Man:
      Thank YOU for choosing to tag along. You make life more delightful.

      Delete
  6. Well a nice breaksfuck would be a good way to start the day!

    I'm guseeing she got a good laugh when she learned what she said, she looks like she is not too shy.

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    Replies
    1. joeh:
      Or maybe it's supposed to come after breakfast.

      Vanessa blushes broadly and laughs easily. She did both when I told her what she said.

      Delete
  7. Your Vanessa looks like a really sweet gal and lots of fun. How nice that you get to see her every morning! I love the picture of your folks smooching!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ms. Sparrow:
      Vanessa is as joyful and sweet as she looks in the photo. She lights up our days.

      That photo was from my father's retirement party.

      Delete
  8. lol @ your joke

    I've heard it the same way only it was vanilla, chocolate and strawberry ice cream and the punch line was "There is no F-U-C-K in strawberries!"

    I agree, Vanessa would definitely be a good way to start the day and what a wonderful smile.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. darkeyedbrunette:
      I like imagining your version (i.e. chocolate without choco, vanilla without illa). Maybe I'll have to revise my father's version!

      Vanessa is truly a blessing!

      Delete
  9. Vanessa loves Ollandia, or was it just the three kisses?

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    Replies
    1. Peter:
      I think it was just the three kisses! Either way, she now loves Holanda!

      Delete
  10. chris can be a terrible swearer.. I shall try your father's quote on him!!!!!!!!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. John:
      Be sure to say it (if you can) with a New York accent: "D'yoo kiss yaw muddah wid dat mout?" Much more effective.

      Delete
  11. OK, I'm going to ask - wozza "sweet roll"?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Owl Wood:
      That's easy... coffee roll, hot cross bun, cinnamon bun, cinnamon roll, caramel bun, honey bun, sticky bun, danish pastry... I guess if it's sweet and it's a roll, it qualifies.

      Delete
  12. Too funny Mitch...I must find a time and place to use this...and for Vanessa.....imagine having her cheering up your morning, every morning....very nice! Love the breakfast translation....so funny!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ron:
      I wonder which you'll be using: the sweet roll or the breakfuck...

      Delete
  13. Hilarious! Vanessa is a sweetie! Settle down Chris.....oh right, I forgot! lol

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh, yeah, we've got sunshine on a cloudy day... Well, we haven't got the cloudy day.

      Delete
  14. Loved this post! Hahahaha! My hubby brings me breaksfuck in bed every morning. Wait, that came out wrong. ;)

    Vanessa looks like a ton of fun, and I love the photo of your 'rents.

    I would love to learn Spanish. I can speak French, so I do manage to understand some written Spanish when we''re on holiday in Spanish-speaking countries, but it would be great to be able to speak it. I need to take some courses!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Knatolee:
      Did it REALLY come out wrong?

      Vanessa is another wonderful person we've been so lucky to get to know here.

      That was an unusual public display of affection for my mother. My father's retirement party.

      I love the Spanish language!

      Delete
  15. Everyone should start the day with a good breaksfuck. She's adorable. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Michelle:
      This going out to breakfast every morning is a new (since Spain) luxury for us. And most mornings throughout the year, we can sit outside. So nice. We start our days with a number of wonderful people. Very lucky.

      Delete
  16. Good sweet rolls are worth swearing over. Vanessa seems charming.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Stephen:
      San Geraldo would definitely agree with you about the sweet rolls (Cinnabons are his weakness... well, ONE of his weaknesses).

      As for Vanessa, she doesn't like clouds. But we didn't see any when she's around.

      Delete

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